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Our Silliest Record Breaking Attempt to Date

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Earlier last week, a friend told me that the organizers of BIAF (Beirut International Awards Festival) are planning to lay down the world’s longest red carpet as part of their 2-day event. The red carpet is expected to start somewhere in Hamra, then goes towards Achrafieh and all the way through downtown to Zaytouna Bay where the ceremony is taking place.

At first I was mainly concerned about the traffic jam this red carpet will be causing on a weekday. But after spotting parts of it on my way to work this morning, I think the traffic jam is absolutely not a problem compared to how hideous it looks!

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The thing doesn’t qualify as a red carpet. It’s barely a piece of red cloth, and it seems that some genius decided to lay it down last night and cars eventually ended up tearing it down.

The end result is needless to say, bahdaleh. I wish all the money that was put into this silly attempt to make it into the Guinness Book was allocated for something more meaningful, like helping Rozine get that liver transplant maybe!

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Pamela El-Kik Would Make a Good Translator

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Pamela El Kik delivered a speech when she appeared on Menna W Jerr three days ago to express how desperate is the political situation in Lebanon, but little did everybody know that her “moving” speech was nothing but a word by word translation of The Great Dictator’s final speech by Sir Charlie Chaplin without crediting him.

You can check the two videos below which are currently being extensively shared on Facebook and see for yourself.

Earlier in February, the Menna w Jerr team thoroughly discussed in the below segment how Rudolph Hilal ripped off The Ellen Show and how it shouldn’t have gone unnoticed by the staff at LBCI. I guess the same thing now applies to them, so it would really be interesting to see what are they going to say about it.

Update:

MTV Staff contacted me shortly after publishing the post to let me know that Pamela did in fact explain to Pierre Rabbat during the show that she was inspired by Charlie Chaplin, but the conversation was unfortunately edited out in order to keep the episode within its time limit which is quite absurd. They claimed that this segment will be uploaded tomorrow morning to make it clear to the people, and I will of course be adding it to the post here.

Pamela herself also explained the situation on her Facebook account.

Update 2:

Here’s a link to the original uncut segment.

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That’s One Weird Car Accident in Hamra!

I just stumbled upon these car accident images on Yasa’s Facebook page. It took place in Hamra a while ago today.

Knowing how jammed the area is during the day, someone must have certainly been driving like crazy because it takes great effort to get 7 cars involved in an accident at a small intersection there.

Hoping no one got hurt!

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Video – Lebanese Army Men Attack a Traffic Officer!

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This is Galerie Semaan intersection that gets quite jammed usually. I don’t know what was up with these army men to act above the law this way. I’m used to them and the ISF cars cutting us off on the road, but beating a traffic officer is fucked up!

via YASA

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What’s Your Excuse Now?

Back when the photo of some security officer on a Kaak motorycle started circulating online, the ISF claimed the officer was actually impounding it. I wonder what is their excuse this time!

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I believe this one was taken somewhere around Ramlet El Baida.

photo via YASA

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Al Joumhouria Publishes the Darndest Articles

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A Lebanese lady who had her credit card information stolen and used to make several transactions reported the incident to some journalist in Al Joumhouria last week. And unfortunately for us, the latter decided to take matters in her own hands to investigate the issue and came up with some really messed up conclusions.

According to the journalist, it seems like TV receivers now pose a threat because they can get infected by a virus named “talk talk” through the satellite dishes, in addition to a new device that costs $200 to build and can steal a card information by simply placing it next to it… yeah a sane person holding a degree in journalism is actually convinced about that. Make sure to read the full article here.

I have no idea how on earth is a TV receiver supposed to steal some card information… but a simple Google search shows that “talk talk” is actually a telecom operator in the UK that had some of its customer data stolen a while ago, so there isn’t any virus by that name. Moreover the $200 device is impossible to build but there exists what is called a “skimming” instead which involves actually swiping the card.

Next thing you might read in Al Joumouria is most probably about a car-theft gang that is teleporting cars from Beirut to Brital!

Update: I definitely did not mean to endorse punishing journalists by the previous title. The idea is just that such articles cannot be justified at a time when information resources are very accessible and facts can be easily double checked.

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Israel is Searching for a Porn Star to Topple Mia Khalifa

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How one earth can anyone believe something such as this post’s title?!

The Israeli Daily, a satire news site, published this article on how the Israeli Minister of Economy is now concerned about Mia Khalifa being ranked number one on Porn Hub and wants to find an Israeli star to outshine Mia.

Speaking to The Israeli Daily a spokesman for Bennett’s office stated, “having seen this travesty the minister is well aware of the economic damage that could be caused by people thinking that the hottest chicks come from Lebanon. Everybody knows the sweetest bodies in the Levant are to be found in Israel and that Tel Aviv is party central here in the region,” he continued.

In order to reinforce this message the minister is launching a search for an Israeli star to rival Khalifa. “We are looking for a young professional who can outdo this poor Lebanese imitation,” the spokesman stated. “Ideally they will be in the IDF because chicks with guns are always hot. They should also be extremely flexible and have an all over tan,” he added. Source

Unsurprisingly, several Lebanese news sites took the whole thing seriously and started copying the article!

Talk about professional journalism!

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Shit You Only See in Lebanon

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Where else other than Lebanon do you get to see some guy pulling a stunt on a busy intersection and saluting a police officer?

video via Rabih Wehbe

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كافيه عم يرعاني

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I can’t believe I stumbled upon this on Facebook!

ِAnyone knows where in Lebanon is this cafe located?

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Lebanese drivers logic: What i decided to do about it!

A woman with a child on her bicycle navigates through Beijing traffic.

I’ll start off with a simple logical description of the issue on hand: On a single-lane road, two cars can pass faster when they are moving one after another. But when next to each other, one car has to slow down in order to let the other pass. In other words, lamma ykoun 3adad l siyarat yalle meshyin 7ad ba3d aktar mn 3adad l lanes, hol l siyarat bya3mlo 3aj2a la2an ma bise3o yo2ta3o 7ad ba3d w bisiro majbourin ykhaffefo ta ymar2o ba3d.
This effect, scaled up, creates irrelevant, unneeded, ugly traffic.

Supposing that what I am talking about can be grasped by small minded Lebanese drivers (which I doubt) who think they are always in a state of rush that allows them to just create lanes of their own, driving the wrong way or even where there is no ‘way’, I have come to a decision that I would like to share.

Paint balls!

Since I am daily witnessing the phenomena of  “I am in a rush, I drive my car where I please” and “matra7 ma bshouf zefet bemshe. w aslan ma droure ykoun fi zefet” I have decided to purchase a stock of paint balls and a paint ball gun. Why? you may ask. I shall salute each driver driving the wrong way with a colorful paint ball to cheer up his day w ta fesh khel2e as well. So in case you come across some news report in the near future speaking of a trend of colorful cars on the Lebanese roads, you can safely assume that I had some part in setting that trend.

And oh, since its Christmas time, I will start with a stock of green and red paint balls 🙂

image via mumatlarge.blogspot.com

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